Throne Out - the British Anti Monarchy and Republican site

It's tough being a Royal. You might think it's a job for life which requires no intellectual or academic ability and pays huge wages plus cushy perks. But being Royal today requires a whole host of skills. Not leaving the kids at home and going on lots of skiing holidays, or refraining from shagging famous sportsmen and your hubby's polo pals is something which few of us commoners can manage. And when a dodgy Arab offers you a ride back with his pissed up driver, would you wear your seat belt? To ensure a return to higher moral values, the Duke of Edinburgh now personally vets potential members of the House of Windsor with a tough new test...

1. The Chinese Ambassador comes to dinner and brings a set of golfballs as a gift. Do you...

	Say "Thanks, Oddjob" and introduce him to your wife
	Take another swig of Brandy and say "I love you I do, you're my best mate"
	Put a couple of the golfballs in your eyes and say "Glass hopper"

2. On a visit to Africa you are taken to see one of the few remaining lions in the Bongo Bongo reserve. Do you...

	Shoot it
	Shoot it and shout "got you, you bastard"
	Both of the above and then inquire as to the gender of your guide, and whether he is a cannibal or not

3. After a spirited (quite literally) drink drive on some back roads you accidentally hit and seriously injure a woman pedestrian. Do you...

	Call an ambulance, offer first aid and plead guilty in court
	Cover it up but give her a pay-off to go to Portugal on holiday
	Shoot her and shout "got you, you bastard"

4. A war is pending between your country and Germany. Do you...

	Support your Government's and Armed Forces' stand against fascism and oppression and pledge to stay to the end
	Change your name to something English sounding, start stashing money in overseas banks, and make sure your plane is fuelled just in case
	Go to some sunny place in the Caribbean and contact the Nazi bloke to see if you can be King when he wins (you're banking on it)

5. Some of your subjects are upset that you don't pay tax like them. Do you...

	Tell them that you are sorry, that you're flat broke until the end of the month but you'll start paying your way then
	Bare your arse off the balcony, a message on which reads "Screw you, it's my country and I'll do what I f**king well please"
	Completely ignore public opinion since they don't vote for you, and go on screwing the country until there's no money left or you get guillotined

Your Quiz Score is

How did you do?
0 : Not even butler material.
1 : Nothing that a year or two at Eton can't put right.
2 : Can you ski?
3 : I bet you drive better after a Martini or two.
4 : If you foxhunt too, you're in!
5 : The gravy train leaves from platform 5...