28 January 2004

Queen bashes pheasant to death and becomes patron of ThroneOut

There's no better way to enjoy wild birds in their natural environment than saying hello to them with both barrels of a shotgun. Its a beautiful thing to see a bird in flight ripped to pieces by hundreds of pieces of high velocity lead shot. But sometimes you don't quite manage to finish the little buggers off.

In such circumstances there is only one thing the humane, kind, caring bird killer can do - finish your feathered pal off promptly by clubbing the remaining life out of it with your walking stick. And this is exactly what our caring Queen was photographed doing. Reportedly it took our ailing monarch some 5 whacks to despatch the little blighter, but her persistence paid off. What a lovely lady, an inspiration to all of us who enjoy killing animals for fun (without them suffering too much, naturally).

Some would say that such behaviour was inappropriate for our head of state, especially as HM the Queen is also patron of the RSPB - The Royal Society for the Protection of Birds. But no, apparently the best way to protect birds is by firing at them whilst shouting "hoorah" with your inbred friends.

As a tribute to our Queen, and her absolute hypocrisy, we've decided to appoint her Royal Patron of ThroneOut. We are honoured that a woman, whose views and position might initially appear to be contrary to the aims of ThroneOut, should so courteously permit us to use her name on our letterhead, alongside our other great Patrons, Diana "Princess of People's Hearts" (and shagger of arab heart surgeons), and of course our first patron, King Charles I.

For more information:
Daily Mail - Queen clubs bird to death
Daily Record - Pheasant Clubbing Defended