21 October 2004

Harry demonstrates military credentials

Prince Harry, the exam-cheating son of Princess Diana and either Prince Charles or James Hewitt, violently attacked a photographer outside a nightclub in London last night.

It was the kind of action that would normally result in cosmetic surgery courtesy of a bouncer's knuckles, but fortunately for Harry, it's fun to act hard when you're protected by burly armed guards who'll jump in to protect you and pull you away from trouble.

When rock stars and movie actors behave like this, they are condemned as yobs and castigated for their lack of manners and violent behaviour. Hair-transplant recipient Elton John was recently portrayed as an arrogant brat for verbal insults against the Taiwanese press after being the subject of press photographers' attention at an airport there. Courtney Love was charged with disorderly conduct for throwing a microphone stand into the crowd at a gig in New York. But expect to see no such condemnation when the perpetrator is a member of the house of Windsor. The blame will of course be put squarely at the door of the press for 'inciting' him.

Although tape-recorded admitting that he did virtually none of a coursework assignment for his art A-level, the exam board have said they have no intention of investigating the claims. Harry was admitted to Sandhurst military academy (for which a degree is usually required). Harry seems to have the perfect attitude for a life in the military, which consists largely of drunken fights in the streets and bars of Aldershot and brutal attacks on defenceless Iraqi prisoners.

More information:
BBC News - Prince Harry in nightclub scuffle

10 October 2004

Harry accused of cheating in A-levels

Prince Harry was never blessed with brains, but fortunately these aren't necessary as a member of the Royal Family. Even if a job can't be secured from a well-heeled family friend there is always the option of military service, after greasing a few palms, and awarding a few medals to the right people.

Most recruits to Sandhurst are graduates, but occasionally recruits are admitted with lower qualifications, especially if their surname is Windsor. In Harry's case, he was admitted with just a grade B in art, and a grade D in geography - the worst results of anyone in his year at school.

Unfortunately however, Harry wasn't even bright enough to manage Art. One of his former teachers at Eton claims she was asked by a senior master at the school to help Harry complete his coursework.

If found to have cheated Harry could face expulsion from the Army. Fortunately the Windsors are quite adept at manipulating the results of investigations. Expect to see this one buried, like the rest, and a collection of chinless wonder military types to crop up on TV saying what a top officer he is.

More information
BBC News - Royal Family denies Harry cheated