Harry retreats from Afghanistan before 'spring offensive' season

It was inevitable really. After the humiliation of dodging Iraq because the Army said it was 'too dangerous', an attempt at face saving was only a matter of time.

Afghanistan is considered much safer than Iraq, with the Independent noting that "The main British base in Helmand, Camp Bastion, has never been attacked, unlike its equivalent in Iraq, Basra air station. Even the forward operating bases in Lashkar Gah, the provincial capital, and Gereshk are reasonably safe."

The official excuse for withdrawing Harry was because of a media leak. However, an Australian Yahoo site broke the story some weeks back, and there had been much speculation in the media last year that Harry would be sent to Afghanistan as his regiment was scheduled to go.

Perhaps the MI6 spooks have inside knowledge that Al Qaeda get their celebrity news exclusively from the Drudge Report?

Harry spent just 10 weeks in Afghanistan, meaning he was posted some time around Christmas. In contrast, the rest of his regiment were reportedly posted to Iraq in October 2007 and had been there over 2 months by the time Harry turned up. So if the leak was the reason for him returning early (and the fact there were other leaks suggests it was not), what was the reason for him deploying late?

Quite probably Harry's late posting and early return were planned from the start to minimize the chance of any real 'action'.

It is widely known that hostilities die down in Afghanistan as the winter bites, resuming in the spring.

Indeed this year will likely be no exception, with the Taliban's military commander just a week ago warning of a spring offensive.

"The attack is imminent," he told Al Jazeera's Arabic channel in an interview aired on Wednesday.

"The number of Taliban mujahidin who are ready to launch the spring battle has reached 6000," he told Ahmed Zeidan, the Kabul bureau chief of Al Jazeera's Arabic channel.

Dadullah said that the fighters were concealed in tunnels and elsewhere in preparation for launching their attack.

So in order to avoid real risk, any deployment would have to be made to the safest theatre (Afghanistan) and at the safest time (from December to February) regardless of what the rest of his regiment were doing.

And despite Harry supposedly doing real soldiering, it turns out he was followed by a bunch of media lackeys filming the whole thing.

What is the betting there were no gun fights? Not even a couple of caged Taliban trucked in and let loose as a bit of sport.

Meanwhile the bodies of real troops who have died fighting in Afghanistan and Iraq continue to return without any media attention whatsoever.

For more information see
Al Jazeera - Taliban: Spring offensive is coming
Independent - Harry to Afghanistan
Aussie leak of Harry deployment

Harry excused from war zone

ThroneOut had predicted that Prince Harry would not see front line service from the moment it was announced. But it seems he won't even be sent to Iraq at all because "it's dangerous".

Of course it is. It's a war zone. Well over a hundred British troops have been killed already, and the soldiers face suicide bombings, snipers, IEDs and mortar attacks on a daily basis. The insurgents are already doing their best to kill or capture enemy troops, as the recent attack on a US patrol that resulted in the capture of 3 servicemen shows.

None of that deters our country's misguided leaders from throwing more cannon fodder into the unwinnable quagmire. But when it comes to the Queen's grandchild, they suddenly become much more concerned about the dangers.

So the question is, if a royal cannot be sent to a war zone because as a high-profile person he'd be a special target, what the hell is he doing in the army anyway? What was the use of wasting tax payers' money on training him to shoot guns, drive tanks and bark commands to flunkies when as soon as those skills are actually required he's pulled out because (shock!) the other side might shoot at him?

In the dim and very distant past, kings themselves would lead their armies onto the battlefield. Very often, one of them would not leave it. Those days are long gone. Sure they like the uniforms, and the medals and the parades and the posing. But it's just fancy dress, because at heart members of the royal family are pampered pansies. The closest Harry comes to combat is punching tabloid photographers, and only then if there are some beefy bouncers to make sure he doesn't get punched back.

So in few years time when Harry gets married to some useless money-grabbing tart, and wears his military uniform with a chest full of medals, you'll know for sure he got them for being the useless bastard son of a useless family, rather than for acts of bravery on the battlefield.

For more information see
Prince Harry not to serve in Iraq

Harry accidentally falls into tabloid journalist

According to Buckingham Palace, a stone cold sober Prince Harry 'accidentally fell into a tabloid photographer' on his way home from a quiet night out in London last night. The spokesman said that the prince had enjoyed half a shandy early in the evening followed by one or two orange juices and a handful of bombay mix around 11pm.

While leaving the club after not feeling up a girl who was not his girlfriend, he spotted a tabloid photographer and greeted him with a cheerful "And what do you do?" before posing politely for some photographs. However, in the poor light he stumbled on an uneven paving stone before accidentally shouting "I'm going to fucking kill you" while inadvertently attempting to rip the man's head off.

Harry's pending posting to Iraq has caused controversy after it emerged he would have minders to make sure he didn't come to any harm. The British Army explained the decision, "Prince Harry has experienced a number of accidents outside nightclubs due to poor quality pavement surfacing. Iraq has some of the most uneven sidewalks in the world, and Prince Harry is obviously at greater risk than the other troops because he will have the added distraction of trying not to fall onto tabloid journalists as well as avoiding snipers' bullets, roadside bombs and suicide attacks.

The British Army has asked the media not to attempt to follow the prince or reveal which suite in the heavily-fortified Basra Ritz-Carlton he will be patrolling.

For more information see
News of the World - Prince Harry Orf his head
BBC News - Harry club fracas claims denied

Harry in new fancy dress shocker

Prince Harry was embroiled in further scandal today after pictures of his latest fancy dress outfit emerged.

Harry demonstrates military credentials

Prince Harry, the exam-cheating son of Princess Diana and either Prince Charles or James Hewitt, violently attacked a photographer outside a nightclub in London last night.

It was the kind of action that would normally result in cosmetic surgery courtesy of a bouncer's knuckles, but fortunately for Harry, it's fun to act hard when you're protected by burly armed guards who'll jump in to protect you and pull you away from trouble.

When rock stars and movie actors behave like this, they are condemned as yobs and castigated for their lack of manners and violent behaviour. Hair-transplant recipient Elton John was recently portrayed as an arrogant brat for verbal insults against the Taiwanese press after being the subject of press photographers' attention at an airport there. Courtney Love was charged with disorderly conduct for throwing a microphone stand into the crowd at a gig in New York. But expect to see no such condemnation when the perpetrator is a member of the house of Windsor. The blame will of course be put squarely at the door of the press for 'inciting' him.

Although tape-recorded admitting that he did virtually none of a coursework assignment for his art A-level, the exam board have said they have no intention of investigating the claims. Harry was admitted to Sandhurst military academy (for which a degree is usually required). Harry seems to have the perfect attitude for a life in the military, which consists largely of drunken fights in the streets and bars of Aldershot and brutal attacks on defenceless Iraqi prisoners.

More information:
BBC News - Prince Harry in nightclub scuffle